problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
