she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
tell me about the fingering
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