What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
