Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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