drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
