Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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