I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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