i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
