guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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