fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
