Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the day after is always just damage control
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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