You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
