did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
