But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
