TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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