i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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