Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it was like eating out sand paper
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
