He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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