Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
