I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
