You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
