yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
