I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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