look no pants
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
