Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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