We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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