This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is wine microwaveable?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
