last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
