yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
