we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
