so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
