There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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