Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
