I wish I only lived at night.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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