I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
