He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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