I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
