There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
and she was petting her beer can
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
