people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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