alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
