i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
