im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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