Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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