I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize