After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
