Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
