Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
