I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I believe in your delicious
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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