dude i'm inner monologue high
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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