Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
