Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
