I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
