We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
PANTIES FOUND
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