I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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