I think im going to throw up on grandma
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
