your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
