Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
