he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
