Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
