Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The best revenge is premature balding
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
