we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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