Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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