Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
