they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
