uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Randomize
