Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
