i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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