my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
