I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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