I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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