The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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