I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
