3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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