I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
