I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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