The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
