Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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