she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
