note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just found a bag of teeth...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
ok first of all what the fuck
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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