I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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