Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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