so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize