Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
