Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
