Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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