by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I will pee on everything he values.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize