Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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