In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
