How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize