I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
