Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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