no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
