my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
