paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
