i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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