I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
