You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize