how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
