Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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